One of the biggest mistakes you'll make after a breakup is jumping the gun.
You'll want to call your ex, contact her, and do everything possible to bring her back into your world. And unfortunately for you, you'll also be driven to do these things as soon as possible.
Yet for the best results? You'll need just one thing: restraint.
Restraint, restraint, restraint. I cannot stress that enough. You need to stop whatever you're doing (or have tried to do) and start restraining yourself from making blind, overreaching attempts at getting your girlfriend back.
The initial few days and weeks after your breakup are critical. This is where your ex gets to see how you handle yourself, and the breakup, under the worst possible circumstances.
Rise above it? You'll earn her respect. Sink down to all new lows? Your girlfriend will be disappointed by your desperation, and will start seeing you in ways that forbid her from ever dating you again.
So... when you should call your ex girlfriend? How long after the breakup should you wait? These are good questions with complicated answers. In order to know exactly when the time is right to get back in touch with her, you'll first need to know how your ex sees and feels toward you.
Putting Yourself In Position To Make First Contact
Before you even think about reconnecting with your ex girlfriend, you'll need to be in the right place. If you want the contact to go great instead of awful, you'll need to act while you're at an advantage.
You cannot take action while
your ex still has control
When she first broke up with you? Your girlfriend immediately put you in a position of very little power. Whatever balance existed within your relationship while you were dating got immediately skewed in her favor the minute your ex rejected you.
The hard part is that most guys don't always realize this. They think they still have control, and can still talk to their girlfriend as if they were calling some of the shots.
But in reality? She's calling the shots.
Your girlfriend is holding all the most powerful cards, and you can't hope to beat her with the hand you have.
To get her back, you'll need a whole different hand. You'll need to shuffle, redeal, and maybe even set the deck.
You can't move forward until something changes. The way things are right now, it's important that you put together a much stronger hand from which to make a play. If you keep trying to get your ex back without actually changing anything, you're going to fail over and over again... putting yourself further and further from fixing your breakup.
Making Changes That Will Attract Your Ex Back To You
Of all traits she's looking for after the breakup, the most important one you need to have is toughness. Your girlfriend never wanted to date a weak-willed man, and she's doesn't want one now.
Independence. Resilience. These are the things your ex is looking for. She wants to see how you handle adversity, and how you deal with the stress of suddenly being alone.
So is she testing you? Is your breakup nothing but a big test for you to pass? Of course not. But if you want your girlfriend to actually need you back in her life, you'll have to offer her the best possible guy you can be. Getting dumped and then landing right on your feet is something your ex can respect, and that respect can ultimately help you win her back.
Making your ex want you again is all about re-establishing value in her eyes. When your ex sees you as someone or something to be desired, she'll start reconsidering the breakup.
But if she sees you panicking, chasing her, or making desperation moves to get her back? You quickly lose value. You become a throwaway boyfriend - a mistake - someone she should've never dated in the first place, because you weren't the guy she thought you were.
Ironically, your girlfriend won't
want you back until she can't have you
Another thing keeping you from your ex girlfriend right now is that she knows she can easily get you. The more available something is, the less we want it. That's simple human nature, and it applies to your breakup right from the start.
What's worse is that most guys make themselves even more available as the breakup goes on. They're willing to do anything and everything if they think it will help them get back together.
This further reduces the amount of respect and value in their exgirlfriends' eyes, and worst of all they don't even know it. It's the exact opposite of what these guys should be doing, and it's causing their girlfriends to rapidly lose interest.
Now if you've already done some of these things, you've already lost a portion of your ex girlfriend's respect. To get it back, you'll need to act fast. You need to change the way she thinks you're handling the breakup, which means you have to reverse her current opinion of things.
The best way to do this is by manipulating certain emotional triggers isolated exclusively to the female mindset. Make sure you know what these triggers are, because when used properly they can quickly change the whole way your girlfriend looks at you.