Step 1: Allowing Your Girlfriend The Right To Be Angry
Guess what? She's pissed. And guess what else? She has every right to be.
Keeping that in mind, why would you try to calm her down? Why would you step in and try to hold her, apologize to her, and tell your girlfriend that everything will somehow be alright?
Because as of right now, everything is NOT alright. Your girlfriend just caught you cheating on her, and she's going to rage against anything and everything you try to do or say.
It's healthy for her to be pissed right now
Trying to stop her from being mad at you is totally useless. Not only won't it work, but she's going to actually resent you for it.
Your best bet? Let her go. Let her be angry, let her break things, and let her rage all she wants. In other words, let her get it out.
One way or the other, your girlfriend needs to demonstrate her anger.
You need to be there, at least partially, so that she knows you get the point. She wants you to see what you've done to her, which is one of the reasons why she's screaming and yelling and pounding her fists against your chest right now.
So yeah, unless she's drawing blood? Let your girlfriend do her thing. Sit there stoically and take it like a man... not just because you deserve it, but because it's going to help get her past this stage - and onto the next one - more quickly than if you try to calm her down.
Step 2: Make a Sincere, Genuine Apology for Cheating
When the dishes are all broken and her rage has subsided, your girlfriend will break down into tears. She'll put her head in her hands, curl into a ball, and the brutal sobbing will begin.
This is the latter stage of her grief over you being unfaithful. It's also the opportunity for you to make one solid, yet very brief, apology.
Don't try to approach your girlfriend, put your arm around her, or take her by the hand. You'll only incite her rage again, and cause her to pull away.
Instead, you simply tell her you're sorry. Don't try to explain yourself, don't try to elaborate, and don't try to make any excuses for what happened.
Tell your girlfriend you're sorry you cheated on her. Tell her you knew it was wrong, you're sorry for hurting her, and most of all you're sorry it destroyed the relationship.
And when that's all said and done? YOU WALK AWAY.
Step 3: Walking Away After Cheating - Giving Her Space
There's a couple of advantages to walking out after making your initial apology. For starters, you're not going to frustrate and enrage her by sticking around, and trying to convince her to stay together.
There comes a time when just being around your girlfriend in this situation is no longer constructive. Allowing her to continue to rage against you will only make things worse.
By walking away, you're giving her the chance to cool off. She'll still be upset, but without you around as an audience she'll no longer be as angry.
In leaving, you're also giving her time to think... ALONE. This is the best thing possible, because being alone is the one thing that will make your ex girlfriend eventually miss and need you back.
Breaking up with you was
a kneejerk reaction... and not
exactly what she wanted to do
Understand something important: your girlfriend didn't break up with you because she no longer loves you.
No, your ex broke things off out of necessity. She just caught you cheating, and as all of society will tell her, that equates to an INSTANT breakup.
The problem with that? Your girlfriend still does love you. She still does need you.
It's not like she had the chance to think about letting you go, or get even remotely used to the idea of going on without you.
Instead, you were brutally torn from her life in the blink of an eye. You were ripped away before she even had the opportunity to realize what losing you would mean to her.
She pushed you away and cried her eyes out, without even thinking about how bad she would miss you. And this is where the door is left open, just a crack, for you to return.
By walking away, you also cast doubt on whether or not you want to return. Suddenly your ex is worried, because you didn't even try to fight to keep her.
Instead, you disappeared in a casual, almost carefree way. Sure you apologized, but is it possible you're not even interested in her anymore?
From there your girlfriend will start wondering if maybe you're not even over the relationship entirely. This will scare the shit out of her, especially when she starts to think of you going to be with this other girl again.
Step 4: Staying Away - Making Your Exgirlfriend Miss You
Keeping away from your ex girlfriend is never so important as it is after you've been caught cheating. Because the more you call, text, or try to check up on her? The more groveling and pleading she'll expect from you in order to get back together.
Your goal here is not to grovel or beg at all. By disappearing from her life, you're giving your girlfriend exactly what she wanted: her freedom. The only problem? It's NOT what she wanted at all.
What your ex really wanted was for you to plead with her, cry with her, and come crawling back on your hands and knees for her. This would show her how much you really cared, which in turn would allow her to continue beating you up about your infidelity.
The more contact you make? The more she's going to keep up the punishment. The more you tell her you're sorry? The more she thinks you should be sorry, and in fact, are probably not sorry enough. And can you ever be sorry enough? No, not in her eyes.
The longer you're gone
the more she'll need you
By staying away from your ex right now, she gets TOO much space. Right now she needs a shoulder to cry on, and her friends' shoulders are pretty much all cried out.
Right now she needs the comfort of knowing you're still there, hanging around, trying to get back together with her. Because yes, your ex misses you. Yes, she still loves you. And yes, if you happen to be around right now she's going to punish you until she thinks you're ready to leave.
The breaking point... that's what your girlfriend is looking for. In an effort to make you feel as badly as she does, she's going to push you as close to the breaking point as humanly possible. Then, and only then, will she even consider taking you back.
Step 5: Reconnecting With One Last Good Apology
Finally, when the time is right, you'll need to step up and reinitiate contact with your ex. This is where you'll give her one last apology, with an underlying hint of something she doesn't want to hear from you: Goodbye.
Remember, don't make any excuses as to why you cheated. Don't try to downplay it, or tell her it was "only" one time. And whatever you do, don't pin any of the blame on her shoulders. Some guys actually try to do that, believe it or not.
Your apology needs to be clean and sincere:
"Listen, I am really, really sorry. I totally screwed up a good thing, and I would never, EVER do it again."
Your ex needs to hear that last part. She might scoff at you for saying it, but deep down there's a part of her that wants to forgive you. And that part desperately needs to know that if she were to give you that one last chance? That you would never cheat on her again.
Once she's digested that, tell her:
"I really love you, but I don't blame you for not wanting to continue our relationship. I'll leave you alone now, but I really do wish you the best."
Here's where your ex girlfriend gets terrified. You're leaving HER. You're walking away, again. This might be her final chance to take you back, because the last time you walked away you were gone completely, totally, and for a long, long time.
This is when your ex might offer an olive branch, and take that first step toward getting back together with you. Her wording might be strained, and she might have a few ultimatums... but overall, she's going to want you back.
How To Wipe The Slate Clean After Cheating
When your girlfriend takes you back, it won't be the end. The memories of you cheating on her will unfortunately linger on, long after you've gotten back together again.
The best resource for recovering a relationship damaged by cheating comes from Dr. George Karanastasis. Be sure you read his list of trust-building exercises and tactics found within his guidebook: Get Her Back For Good.
No matter how long you've been broken up, Dr. Karanastasis provides a step-by-step blueprint for making your girlfriend literally need you back in her life again.
Check out his tips on bringing the relationship back to its early roots, and learn how to draw out her best memories of being with you as a direct asset to getting back together.