Can You Stay Friends With an Ex?

Can Staying Friends Help Get Your Ex Back?

Working the friendship angle to get back with your exgirlfriend

When your girl first dumps you, it's hard to accept the finality of it. Your breakup will make you feel as if you're drowning, and you'll begin grasping for any old piece of driftwood that happens to be around.

This is dangerous, because it can cause you to settle. And one of the worst scenarios you can possibly settle for, is to accept your ex girlfriend's offer to "still remain friends" after the break.

Friendship, as you well know, is total bullshit. Your ex is handing you a consolation prize, and not a very good one at that.

In some cases, your exgirlfriend is going through these motions mechanically, not ever really expecting to see you again. In that regard, "let's be friends" becomes a getaway speech, because she never intended on befriending you in the first place.

Most of the time however? Your ex wants to stay friends for her own reasons. And usually, these reasons include a very simple premise: as adamant as she is about breaking up, your girlfriend is not ready to lose you completely.

Being Friends With Your Ex Girlfriend
"Staying friends" with your ex:  pure fantasy

This is where you can take most advantage of the post-breakup friendship.

Although you're not going to actually agree to be friends with your ex, there are very unique ways of turning her offer into a powerful tool that will make her want you back.

Handling yourself correctly is tremendously important here. You need to remain in a strong position, otherwise you'll be trying to reconcile from a place that gives you absolutely no advantage.

In the end, you don't want to be friends with your ex. You want your girlfriend back! That's your ultimate goal, and you shouldn't settle for anything less than the real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship you once had with her.

If you settle (out of desperation) for half a relationship? That's all you're ever going to have. Romantically, you're out on your ass for good.

But wait... can't I be friends with my ex girlfriend temporarily,
so I can stay in touch while trying to get her back?

HELL NO. Because once you put yourself in the role of being 'just a friend', your ex will begin to permanently see you that way.

You slip right from ex boyfriend to some weird, strange buddy of hers. Why weird and strange? Because you've slept together. And because you've slept together, your ex will consider your friendship in a much more guarded way than with someone she hasn't been naked with.

Can't we just go from friends back to lovers?
It happens all the time!

Sure, maybe on TV. Or maybe if you were friends who hadn't dated in the first place, and there was still an air of sexual tension between you.

But now that she's broken up with you? No chance. Your ex isn't going to see you romantically anymore, and the longer you stay friends with her the further and further she'll push you to the very back of her mind.

What about girls who have sex with their ex boyfriends?
Friends with benefits?

If this is what you want, go for it. But keep in mind that friends with benefits is always a temporary (although fun) arrangement. The second your ex gets a new boyfriend, she's going to cut you off so fast it'll leave your head spinning.

Despite all the close connection and good intentions, your 'friendship' won't mean jack shit in the face of her shiny new relationship. This will leave you bitter, angry, and holding a fierce grudge.

But if you really want your girlfriend back, and not just as a sex toy? You'll have to remove yourself from any position of friendship... or better yet, never agree to staying friends after the break up at all.

Isn't it better to be able to talk to your ex girlfriend, rather
than not be friends and lose touch with her completely?

Nope. Because the longer you stick around after the breakup, the less your ex will miss you. In fact, constantly being around her even "just as friends" won't let your ex miss you at all.

Phone Friends With Ex Girlfriend
Phone buddies... not what you want

While it seems a good idea to stay in touch with your ex so she doesn't 'forget about you', the very fact that you're sticking around is what makes her ignore you right now.

Ever miss someone? It was because they went away, right? It was because you hadn't seen them in a while.

Well the same holds true after your breakup. The more your ex hears from you - even as a friend - the less she'll actually need to hear from you.

The morale of the story? It's always better to just break contact and walk away. Staying friends after the breakup is never ever the answer.

With this said, let's take a look at the more important question: why your girlfriend still wants to be friends with you in the first place.

Reasons Your Ex Still Wants You As a Friend

Knowing why she wants you around can help get her back

Sometimes, "let's be friends" has a more straightforward purpose. Because if your girlfriend isn't 100% confident about the breakup, she could keep stringing you along, 'as a friend', until she finally is.

Many times, a girl who dumps you will hedge her bets. In calling you a friend, she also gets to call upon you when she's needy, lonely, or just wants to know that you're still there and haven't moved on.

Sounds great, right? But it's not. Because in "being there" for your ex girlfriend you're also being a chump. You become nothing more than a backup plan; one that allows her to continue bravely forward being single with the security of knowing she still has you in her pocket.

A girl 'friend' is never a good idea. You'll end up being used only for purposes of personal comfort. Your ex won't call you when she's out with friends, having fun, or planning this new life she's leading without you. Instead she'll call when she's bored, depressed, has a flat tire, or needs the oil in her car changed.

The Friend Zone just plain sucks. Stay out of it, and you'll be able to maintain your ex's respect. Refuse to be friends with your ex girlfriend, and she'll always envision you as a lover... and not as some now-platonic acquaintence she gets in touch with from time to time.

Okay, now practice with me:

"Stay friends?  Nah, no thanks.  That's totally a bad idea."

When she inevitably asks why, you should laugh. Then say:

"Well for one, I still love you. I can't pretend I don't, so don't ask me to. And two, I'm not looking for another friend. I want you as a girlfriend, or as nothing at all."

And when she explains how she doesn't want to lose you completely:

"If you don't want to lose me, then don't lose me. But I'm not going to do this 'let's be friends' bullshit. We both know it won't work out, and I'd rather we both go our separate ways and do our own thing."

You see, your girlfriend doesn't want you doing your own thing. Sure, SHE wants the freedom to potentially date other guys, but she'd much rather keep stringing you along 'as a friend' so that you don't go anywhere... right now anyway, or at least until she has a new boyfriend.

You Should Not Be Friends With Your Ex
By NOT being her 'friend' she
has the chance to miss you

In refusing friendship you're refusing to be your ex girlfriend's little trained lapdog. You're refusing to accept table scraps in lieu of an actual relationship.

You're also refusing to sit obediently still while she decides whether or not she's interested in someone else... something that will certainly happen if you're willing to let things go down this way.

All of these drawbacks are the curses of staying friends with your ex after the breakup. The so-called benefits you think you're getting by staying 'close'? It's all nothing but smoke and mirrors.

Your ex doesn't want friendship. She wants you around like a pair of training wheels, to keep her from falling. But once she learns to go solo? You'll get cast off and thrown suddenly to the curb, forced to watch her ride off into the distance without you.

Friendship is not only impossible, it's detremental to your end goal. To win her back, you'll need proven reversal techniques designed to make your ex miss, need, and totally want you AS A BOYFRIEND again.

 
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