When your girl first dumps you, it's hard to accept the finality of it. Your breakup will make you feel as if you're drowning, and you'll begin grasping for any old piece of driftwood that happens to be around.
This is dangerous, because it can cause you to settle. And one of the worst scenarios you can possibly settle for, is to accept your ex girlfriend's offer to "still remain friends" after the break.
Friendship, as you well know, is total bullshit. Your ex is handing you a consolation prize, and not a very good one at that.
In some cases, your exgirlfriend is going through these motions mechanically, not ever really expecting to see you again. In that regard, "let's be friends" becomes a getaway speech, because she never intended on befriending you in the first place.
Most of the time however? Your ex wants to stay friends for her own reasons. And usually, these reasons include a very simple premise: as adamant as she is about breaking up, your girlfriend is not ready to lose you completely.
"Staying friends" with your ex: pure fantasy
This is where you can take most advantage of the post-breakup friendship.
Although you're not going to actually agree to be friends with your ex, there are very unique ways of turning her offer into a powerful tool that will make her want you back.
Handling yourself correctly is tremendously important here. You need to remain in a strong position, otherwise you'll be trying to reconcile from a place that gives you absolutely no advantage.
In the end, you don't want to be friends with your ex. You want your girlfriend back! That's your ultimate goal, and you shouldn't settle for anything less than the real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship you once had with her.
If you settle (out of desperation) for half a relationship? That's all you're ever going to have. Romantically, you're out on your ass for good.
But wait... can't I be friends with my ex girlfriend temporarily,
so I can stay in touch while trying to get her back?
HELL NO. Because once you put yourself in the role of being 'just a friend', your ex will begin to permanently see you that way.
You slip right from ex boyfriend to some weird, strange buddy of hers. Why weird and strange? Because you've slept together. And because you've slept together, your ex will consider your friendship in a much more guarded way than with someone she hasn't been naked with.
Can't we just go from friends back to lovers?
It happens all the time!
Sure, maybe on TV. Or maybe if you were friends who hadn't dated in the first place, and there was still an air of sexual tension between you.
But now that she's broken up with you? No chance. Your ex isn't going to see you romantically anymore, and the longer you stay friends with her the further and further she'll push you to the very back of her mind.
What about girls who have sex with their ex boyfriends?
Friends with benefits?
If this is what you want, go for it. But keep in mind that friends with benefits is always a temporary (although fun) arrangement. The second your ex gets a new boyfriend, she's going to cut you off so fast it'll leave your head spinning.
Despite all the close connection and good intentions, your 'friendship' won't mean jack shit in the face of her shiny new relationship. This will leave you bitter, angry, and holding a fierce grudge.
But if you really want your girlfriend back, and not just as a sex toy? You'll have to remove yourself from any position of friendship... or better yet, never agree to staying friends after the break up at all.
Isn't it better to be able to talk to your ex girlfriend, rather
than not be friends and lose touch with her completely?
Nope. Because the longer you stick around after the breakup, the less your ex will miss you. In fact, constantly being around her even "just as friends" won't let your ex miss you at all.
Phone buddies... not what you want
While it seems a good idea to stay in touch with your ex so she doesn't 'forget about you', the very fact that you're sticking around is what makes her ignore you right now.
Ever miss someone? It was because they went away, right? It was because you hadn't seen them in a while.
Well the same holds true after your breakup. The more your ex hears from you - even as a friend - the less she'll actually need to hear from you.
The morale of the story? It's always better to just break contact and walk away. Staying friends after the breakup is never ever the answer.
With this said, let's take a look at the more important question: why your girlfriend still wants to be friends with you in the first place.